Archive for the ‘ShoutOut’ Category

Carolyn Hax, Tell Me About It

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Carolyn Hax starts her book Tell Me About It: Lying, Sulking, Getting Fat… and 56 Other Things Not to Do While Looking for Love with with the advice that the reader is wrong in attempting to succeed at romance by reading any book, including hers! This is her way of combating people’s erroneous approaches to romance by the method of obeying “the rules of romance” or just imitating what others have found to be successful. She guides the reader toward identifying not only the external facts of his (I use “his” in a generic sense — it could be her too) circumstance but also his inner most romantic yearnings — and then encourages him to be creative/inventive in combining these two in a tangible form in reality. Contrast her approach with the prevalent approaches such as guidance to minutiae (flutter your eyes lids, put your hand there for 5 seconds and then do this and that for 10 seconds etc.), guidance by commandments (do this since the bible or the Victorians says so), guidance by nothing (do whatever feels right).

Since the early part of this year, I have been reading her daily column at The Washington Post. Her responses to readers’ questions on relationships demonstrate time and again her skill at exposing to her readers the external and internal facts of any relationship issue (which usually makes the advice that follows just an icing on the cake).

I could be wrong, but I believe she acquired and developed her knowledge and skill years ago primarily to help herself with her own romance, and has since kept expanding and translating her knowledge and skill into a profession. At The Washington Post, besides her daily column, she has a weekly chat session and a forum (but I have not spent time on these two features).


If you appreciate the nature of the advice on dating by Marilyn Monroe and by Ayn Rand, then be sure to check out Carolyn Hax too!

PS: As I was about to publish this post, I found this write up of her.

Tags: Carolyn Hax, Tell Me About It, relationship, love, dating, advice

IF by Rudyard Kipling

Sunday, August 9th, 2009

Recited by SpokenVerse.

Here’s the story of a fight with YouTube’s prudishness. Although the fight ended happily, it is alarming that YouTube simply ignored all the protests to their prudishness from viewers! The happy ending required the influence of the press.

Incidentally, I hear the poem involved in that story, Cinnamon Peeler by Michael Ondaatje, as a rebuking, perhaps a gentle rebuking, by a maiden to a timid man. Here’s the text:

        The Cinnamon Peeler
        by Michael Ondaatje

        If I were a cinnamon peeler
        I would ride your bed
        And leave the yellow bark dust
        On your pillow.

        Your breasts and shoulders would reek
        You could never walk through markets
        without the profession of my fingers
        floating over you. The blind would
        stumble certain of whom they approached
        though you might bathe
        under rain gutters, monsoon.

        Here on the upper thigh
        at this smooth pasture
        neighbour to you hair
        or the crease
        that cuts your back. This ankle.
        You will be known among strangers
        as the cinnamon peeler's wife.

        I could hardly glance at you
        before marriage
        never touch you
        --your keen nosed mother, your rough brothers.
        I buried my hands
        in saffron, disguised them
        over smoking tar,
        helped the honey gatherers...

        When we swam once
        I touched you in the water
        and our bodies remained free,
        you could hold me and be blind of smell.
        you climbed the bank and said

        this is how you touch other women
        the grass cutter's wife, the lime burner's daughter.
        And you searched your arms
        for the missing perfume

        and knew

        what good is it
        to be the lime burner's daughter
        left with no trace
        as if not spoken to in the act of love
        as if wounded without the pleasure of a scar.

        You touched
        your belly to my hands
        in the dry air and said
        I am the cinnamon
        Peeler's wife. Smell me.